Day 310

Yesterday was all good. I enjoyed the service as Fr. Bernie has a great sense of humor and had a conversational sermon. He reminded me of the Cursillo experiences and I’m grateful for that memory. They went all out for lunch with tons of delicious food followed by a beautiful carrot cake. Today will be a repeat of yesterday afternoon with rest and naps. The cold doesn’t get better or worse, just hangs there. I want to clean house for the new year.

Day 309

The center was overly busy again so I went to help out for a couple hours. I felt useful and glad to be part of the solution. Today is the joint church service with St. Timothy’s in Brookings. I will ride with Katie. I’m looking forward to being part of the congregation and following the service, they are making lunch for us .The next two days are free of agenda and I’m ready for naps and downtime. The cold symptoms are still there.

Day 308

Woke up with cold symptoms. Hope my immune system kicks in and kicks it out. The center was busy yesterday because the national park office was shut down. All their visitors came and we don’t know as much about hiking and camping. Sarah helped as she is a hiker. I listened to her and learned. Today I want to stay home. Maybe a walk later when it warms up. I’m ready to turn the page on 2018. Looking forward to starting over again.

Day 307

Yes, We had Mexican lunch at our favorite spot in Smith River. It was delicious. I found a new shirt and a few small items but no big stuff. It is always fun to spend time with Hollie. Today is CofC and that’s all. It’s cold so I’ll wear a sweater as it is often chilly in the center. The ham and bean soup turned out great after cooking all night. Later I will relocate half of it into the freezer. Moving forward.

Day 306

I walked to the party, mingled, hugged, laughed, had connections and memories that surprised me. It was enjoyable and felt close and warm. I have said No so often that I have missed out on so many social events that I don’t want to miss any in the future. Today I’ll go to Brookings with Hollie. My choice was clean the house or go out. I’m planning to look for good sales at Freddy’s and maybe a Mexican lunch. The housework will wait.

Day 305

Hollie and I walked to the beach, cooked, drank beer, ate ham and yams. It was a different kind of day and it worked just fine. Megan went south and Chuck can’t eat since all his teeth were extracted. Today is Doug Minty’s birthday party at SeaQuake. I’m looking forward to socializing so I must be past the flat line energy. My leg is working so much better and I’m grateful for it. Now I can get my health routine in place again.

Day 304

Pouring buckets, blowing, cold, and there Hollie and I were buying our ham and yams. That was it for moving yesterday. Went to bed instead of church. I want my life back on normal. I want to walk and exercise and feel like socializing. My “it’s not a Christmas present” is a pair of red fuzzy socks. Yeah. My favorite.  Hollie’s was a bag of Gouda cheese. Her favorite. Now we will cook up a simple meal and enjoy a quiet day together.

Day 303

Yesterday was an upgrade. Cleaned the kitchen and bathroom and swept floors. Felt good to notice the need. MP was okay. Some conversations during coffee and then  home to sit again. Today Hollie and I will shop for dinner items. Maybe ham. We enjoyed it last year. Meg will fix her famous Brussels sprouts. It is pouring, blowing and cold so I doubt I will get out for a walk. Probably won’t go to church for carol singing if Fr. Tom doesn’t come.

Day 302

I could write blah 83 times and sum up yesterday. Spent energy looking for something mind numbing to stare at. I will go to morning prayer as I need to push my way out of the house. I don’t feel old often but now that seems to intrude on my mind. I’m not one to give up and I guess I have to wallow until I can’t stand it and then move. The lack of exercise and walking are contributing to the depression.

Day 301

Thankfully the chore at the CofC was the mindless stuffing of invitations into envelopes which I could do with my flat energy. Later Megan and I walked to Rumiano’s for cheese and chips and that was refreshing. I enjoy her company and she is also grieving the loss of a friend. She had hoped he was the One and then he revealed himself in a way she could not accept. Clean breaks are the most humane way for both parties. Today will improve.

Day 300

The good intentions lasted about half an hour. Didn’t get dressed. Didn’t talk out loud.  Did nothing. Today must be better as it will start with dog spa visit, and groceries. The refrigerator is empty again. Then I will go to the CofC for my volunteer duty. I tried to write yesterday and stopped after recording the date. Had dreams about the writing class with anxiety. I couldn’t find the materials. The place was wrong. They were  high school kids instead of veterans.

Day 299

Yesterday was awful. No energy, No motivation. Followed by an achy night. Is this muscle strain ever going away? All I want for Christmas is a brisk walk without making noises. Today I want to start over beginning with nutrition. Off to the grocery store with good intentions and staying away from the chips etc. Junk food feeds the depression and adds to the problem. I will stay out of the comfort zone, maybe put on music and dance. Maybe read a book.

Day 298

Both walks to the CofC were strenuous and I enjoyed the effort. I was soaked on the way home and put on dry sweats for the rest of the day. Time is weird and elongated. I wish it was next month already. Today I want to eat bean soup, my go to food when I’m feeling unwell.  I will get out for a walk as the rain is gone for a while and I need the exercise to reduce stress. Life goes on.

Day 297

Another wild day. I’m glad Kelle cancelled her visit as we usually spend our time walking and shopping in Brookings. My condition is not open to managing a houseguest. The loss of Carol, the sore leg, seasonal depression, and a cold. Egads. Don’t ask me to cook! I will venture out to the Chamber. It will be quiet but I need to get out of the house. It is too easy to sink into my chair and veg. Soon new minutes of light.

Day 296

I did not get dressed or speak out loud yesterday. Cold symptoms and a heavy heart kept me deep in my chair with two dogs for warmth. Watched the science channel and napped. This morning I feel like getting on with Monday. Already have the laundry going and routine is soothing. My leg is better, not well, but more useful. I will move today and find comfort in nature . I want to see the ocean roiling and throwing itself on the rocks.

 --

Day 295

Spent time with Angela and Jave as they cleaned out Carol’s house into a U-Haul van. They are taking things they want and planning to have a house-sitter until the house goes on the market in the spring. I took boxes of her books for the museum. The sale of her books will go to the Ruby Scholarship. They are in business-like mode and had lots of support from friends. Both have jobs and families to get home to today. Feeling the loss.

Day 294

The wind and rain did help bring mindful walking. My raincoat made a sail out of me and I walked sideways for a while. Ivan offered to take me to the chamber but I wanted the effort. It was a quiet day there. Coming home I felt restless and like I needed to be doing something and had nothing to do. I have not contacted Carol’s family. They know where I am and if I can assist them I trust they will call.

Day 293

Yesterday was kind of flat with no energy or motivation. The seasonal depression and Carol’s death have sucked out forward motion. Karen helped my knee with her magic massage. That was the high point in the day. Julia came and paid her debt. I’m proud of how she has come back from her misadventure and has worked on herself too. Today is CofC and I’ll walk in the wind and rain. Maybe my emotional clouds will clear with the effort. Life goes on.

Day 292

Carol was in ICU with all kinds of measures to help her fight the sepsis but to no avail. She died at 8PM with her children by her bedside. I was there in the morning with her and when the family arrived, I left. Carol has long been my friend and image of creativity and grace. I respected how she lived her life. The sepsis was caused by an undiagnosed UTI. As I am prone to that condition I will be extra attentive.

Day 291

When I took the key for Carol’s house, I knew that I might have to use it in an emergency and that happened last night. Fortunately, Scott came to get it, and open the door for the ambulance people. Carol was on the floor and had been for some time. I won’t know how she is until later. She needs to move to her daughter’s Seattle home for safety although she will fight to stay. She is extremely frail and Angela wants her.

Day 290

The dinner was fun and the thoughtfully personalized gifts were proof of our value to the Chamber of Commerce. My gift was a shopping bag and a gift certificate to Wild Rivers market. Today is board of supervisors meeting and I will stay to the end in case of dramatics again. I will make my time line to Kevin and the rest of the day is open. Walking is somewhat easier. Down to a dull pain and the leg will hold my weight.

Day 289

After church everyone wanted to be close together. Usually two or three people sit at two or three tables. Yesterday we kept adding chairs until everyone was in one place. It was warm and friendly. The same thing happened at the museum meeting. Tables were pushed together and everyone was in one place. Interesting. I like being part of both groups. Later, the CofC volunteer dinner and I’m wondering if it will also have the cozy feeling. I will miss the Dem meeting.

Day 288

Five meals and five naps and yesterday was finally over. Wallow and then climb out of it. Today Linda Lee is leading the service, preaching, and singing a song she wants us to learn. Then a Historical Society general meeting complete with Christmas cookies and ice cream. At least I will be out with people and not sitting with dogs and TV. I will call tomorrow about my knee. It’s been a month and I still can’t walk comfortably. Time for more information.

Day 287

A handful of Christmas tree permits were given and that was it for the visitors’ center duty. Walking is still painful and I’m afraid that it is more than a muscle strain. The persistent pain is in the inside of my knee. Oh lordy, I don’t want knee problems. I’ll see Brad again to check but then maybe an X-ray or MRI. It’s dark and raining and I’m glum. Not enough restful sleep and too much alone time. Seasonal depression may have landed.

Day 286

Minnie had some extractions and cleaning for $625.43. I have anti-biotics and pain medication for her. She will feel better when she heals. I’ll feel better when my leg heals too. It’s persistent and I know it’s because I push myself. This month of no exercise and slow pace plus too much time in the house has probably netted me a weight gain. Carol was better than I expected and I’m grateful. She is walking again. CofC today and it will be quiet.

Day 285

Minnie can’t believe that I’m not going to feed her breakfast. She has a vet appointment for a teeth cleaning and has to go without food and water. Love my dogs and Dachshunds are notorious for bad teeth. I refuse to brush their teeth so we have to go to the vet for big bucks.  Later I will visit Carol. She is in terrible physical condition. She will fly to Seattle for the holidays and I will tend to her papers and mail.

Day 284

My poor old leg is creaky this morning but usable. I can rest more today except for filling the green bin I have no agenda. Probably find some nook or cranny to inspect and sort. The Kitchen Queen is up for a clean out. Lots of old unused stuff in it. Yesterday was okay. Quiet at the CofC with only a few visitors for Christmas tree permits. Steph says I will have to do keys and codes for the writing class. Oh well.

Day 283

I pushed myself yesterday and today I’m using the cane. Overdid a bunch, knew it while I was doing it. I can’t complain when I did it to myself but it will make my day less enjoyable.  The refrigerator is full and I had a good dinner of vegs and chicken. Today is CofC followed by a conversation with Steph about the writing class. She has posters for me to distribute and I have questions. I’m looking forward to it. I need stimulation.

Day 282

Didn’t go to church. Took a short walk instead. Then Karen came and we went to Rob’s dispensary sale and I bought CBD to stockpile. We walked through the holiday fair and saw all the booths and displays. Lots of visiting along the way followed by a pint of agate at Port O’ Pints and a trip to the gorgeous ocean. Lovely day. Today I  have errands and shopping that I can’t put off any longer. Need basic food supplies and bill paying.  

Day 281

The holiday fair was fun. Lots of catch-up conversations and new friends too. I’m glad to be part of it. Then I grabbed up Megan and we had fish and chips while she told me about her X-Box games. I investigated the phone and made new ringtones for everybody. Today is church with Morning Prayer and I must buy groceries if I’m going to eat. I can walk okay if I don’t hurry as that angries up the leg. Life is positive connections.

Day 280

Cold wet morning that arrived early thanks to Minnie. She walked all over me at 4. Makes an extra long day. It’s the community holiday bazaar and I will be in the museum booth. It’s a fun duty as I see so many friendly faces. We sell a lot of books and ornaments with an ocean theme. That’s all the agenda for December 1. Later, another restful time with my leg healing fine. Soon it will be a memory and lesson in patience.